José, 60 year old doorman
Chapter 1. Barcelona
“Life is a learning process. It is indispensable to make mistakes”.
Born in La Rambla, a small town near Cordoba, Spain. José is 60 years old, but when I ask about his age he tells me to write down he actually looks 40. He’s lived in Barcelona since he was 27. When he retires, he wants to go back to his roots, to a more quiet environment.
I met José walking on the street. I had seen him a few times while wandering around the neighbourhood. He was always busy, taking care of the maintenance of his building. One day, I decided to introduce myself and make him a part of my series.
By chatting for half an hour, I discover that José is an open-minded man, willing to share his life story. He's full of joy and positivity. You can tell that he was eager to be asked and listened to. He referred to me as “kid”, which of course, considering the fact that he is 38 years older than me, I allowed him to do. Throughout our conversation, he shows me pictures of his newborn grandkid on his phone. Few things in this world are as heartwarming as the sight of a grandparent’s joy and unconditional love towards his family’s new generations. The tie he was wearing caught my attention. It had a tortoises and hares pattern, both main characters of my favourite bedtime story from when I was a kid. Like the moral of the tale, José leaves me with the lesson that slow and steady wins the race of life. The tortoise wins because he’s determined and doesn’t stop for a second. Perseverance is key.
How are you, really? I’m healing. In 2017 my mom died. Before her death, problems and disputes arose between my siblings and I, mainly because of the nursing home situation she would have to be put in. I actually distanced myself from them all and focussed solely on helping my mother. After her death, I needed a psychologist because I had started to live with a lot of hate within me. Thankfully, with a lot of help, today I am able to say that I forgave and asked for forgiveness. I’m doing better. Kids are never ready for their parents to go through an illness or death. In my family, we weren't able to face it as we should have. It was a paralyzing situation. Now I know that it is an internal process of mourning that you have to come to accept. In the end, living with hate is the worst thing you can do to yourself and the ones around you.
What does being strong mean to you? Being strong means knowing how to solve life’s hardest challenges. Knowing how to deal with worrying and overthinking. I believe that, if you’re aware you’re facing a problem that can be solved, why concern yourself? Over the years, I’ve realized that every puzzle tends to have its solution. It may be hard to see it at first, so sometimes you might need to look at it from another angle. Life is going to give you countless joys, as well as many sorrows. But we can overcome any obstacle if we don’t give up.
What are you most thankful for? Having the kindest, most special person by my side: my wife. Without her, I would still live with hate in my heart. One of the key things in life is to surround yourself with good people. Toxic characters are contagious, they can make miserable even the most positive mind. That’s why I thank God every day for my loving, honest and caring wife.
What are the 3 things you value most about a person? Honesty, purity of heart and kindness. In a nutshell, a person who wants to do good to others, without getting anything in return.
Where do you find meaning in your life? Doing my job. I’m very happy and comfortable where I work. I know everyone in the building and they’re all very welcoming employers. On the other hand, I’m very lucky because my marriage makes me feel alive every day. I also recently became a grandfather, which makes me tremendously happy. The joy that this little kid has brought into my family is surreal. Pure love, which grows stronger every day.
Fill in the blank: I feel loved when ______. I feel loved when I get home, after working half a day, and my wife is waiting for me to do something together. I don’t care if it’s a picnic in the park, going to run some errands or watching a movie. She is my other half, “mi nena”. The mundane becomes extraordinary by her side.
Where do you go when everything is falling apart? I’ve actually learned this very recently but, every time I’m overwhelmed, I now put my headphones on and listen to online meditations. They help me relax. I also enjoy going to the mountains. Breathing fresh air, listening to birds flying around, taking long walks… it frees me. I can close my eyes and imagine it right now.
What is your biggest fear? Death. Not for the pain, but for those I would leave behind. The feeling of heartache and grief that having to say goodbye to my loved ones means. But we all have to accept that, in the end, we all have to die. No one has ever escaped death. But how amazing would it be if we actually met again in heaven?
Proceed to the next character in Chapter 1:
